How did we come to this?
Face to face, me legs up on the toilet seat and you leaning against the wall. Both of us half blind and the yellow lightbulb just a little bit too naked. Cigarettes. Cigarettes that I have long sworn off became my reliever. Green package, Slim, placed on the sink. You were done crying and now it was my turn, taking your poor eyesight to the advantage I let my tears roll freely letting the feeling of despair wash me over and gobble me in.
Why did the puffs made me feel so alive? I asked and you seemed to know the answer.
It was the feeling of existing.
There I was in just my underwear and an oversized Tee, red eyes and runny nose. How many times have you seen me like this already? So Unguarded. I was stripped inside out.
I looked at you and felt a sense of closeness never felt before. The air between us seemed to froze in time and it was just my heart and your heart. Beating. I imagined growing up, moving on but my mind stays in this image.
You said something cheesy; We will move on someday, set sail for our dreams but somewhere deep in our hearts when we got tired and needed some air to breathe, we will still believe in us.
I saw finality in your eyes, at the same time surrender. This decision, My decision.
Why did I feel so sad after getting what I wanted? How many mans would be insane enough to agree to my conditions?