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yellow again. yellow walls, yellow lights, green carpet
blue curtains, british rain.
jeans jacket, bandana, red lipstick
fresh 
youth and alluring 
flashes 
angles, just get the angles right \
很適合抽菸的夜晚。

yellow

Back to back, quiet morning, you smiled.

Summer light shown through the glass boxes that made up the kitchen ceiling. I liked the kitchen in grandpa’s house. everything looked yellow. cozy.

Ten o’clock, you came home again from you’re daily routine of morning market. Breathing hard, sort of limping. I decided to stop pretending to sleep. I walked to the back of the house to you. sweating, fans on. goodmorning.

I do what I always do, looked into each bag.

Sat down, still silence, oddly you didn’t turn on the TV right away today.

『哩背甲檨仔否?』『賀啊!』

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw your the corner of you’re lips tilt up just a bit. you’re eyes forming an down ways banana. the mango tasted bittersweet. Suddenly childhood memories flash through my head. All the dumplings, broccoli, guava, ice tea, all the food that connected us.  You’re small smile every time I walked by with you’re food in my hands. every time I chewed. You barely talked much, but you always always asked If I ate yet, If the dishes were okay, or just to say you’ve been 亂煮 that day. I liked to cry, but I was always you’re favourite.

『房子怎麼樣?』『蛤?』『找房子啊,我以前都找在小學旁邊』

『為什麼?』『這樣才可以有大的空間運動』

『哦!』『結果幾天後就出事了,打架』『真假!!誰啊』

『兩個流氓。』

 

終究還是依賴打字

膽小,沒勇氣說出口。

一句一句慎選,最洽當字眼,卻最無生命力。

不必面對面,不必直話直說

沒有溫度

用腦子裡不是你的聲音的聲音,解讀這你修飾包裝過後的話

一句一句 理性,舒服,安全

我想要相信你有說服力的承諾 但是更想要看到你的衝動焦慮。

 

 

K

​I don’t feel that you care, until I’m with you. It’s what makes you most attractive. Your wildness, swirling up the world around you.

You don’t care.

You dance your way across the street the way you dance your way around your life. The sharpness of you’re eyes hidden behind the easy going facade. The judgmental mind that you refuse to share. Laughing, understanding, trendy. Always a step forward.

Unstoppable. Unpredictable.

You belonged to nobody. No one can keep you.

witty comebacks, passionate responses. You are so good. So good at saying exactly what others hoped to hear. The right time the right way. But somehow I’ve never felt that your heart was really here.

Your fast pace. Chasing beauty. Changing hobbies, hairstyles, clothes. A mercurial women.

I don’t know you’re opinions, I don’t know what you like, don’t like. I don’t know what makes you sad, what you cherish. I don’t have the slightest clue who you are as a person but just how you behave. What an empty feeling.

Yet, I will still stay by you. You rescued me, taught me how to survive when the world is cruel with judgements. How to smalltalk, how to act outgoing. How to live every little detail. How to find adventures in a bookstore just around the corner, in the park next to your home. You picked me up pieces by pieces, with your special ways of living.

I will always love you for that.

 

 

腦海


歌單, 宋冬野 盧廣仲 Ed Sheeran,

(重播)

我把情緒全都送給你了 可是我的心還保留著

(重播)

日子就像沙子一樣 不停的被新的波浪捲回海裡。

Replaced.

我努力得用趾頭抓住 like always. 可是還是從縫裡溜走了

like always.

(重播)

我站在水中央 浪打不倒我。

(重播)

雨天,夜景,回音

(重播)

煙,tiger,山坡

(重播)

青蛙叫,失眠,等待

(重播)

腦海的旋律啊  知道自己多重要嗎