“All i know is we are only here briefly, so while i’m here i want to allow myself joy.”
After I became blonde, my life seemed to spin right out of control.
It’s the first time I’ve ever came this close to venerbility. To Throwing my heart out at somebody only to get it shattered.
Three weeks exact.
You were exactly the opposite, the worst. And He was an angel, everything Life was for. But I craved the feeling of living, of the unknown, I was drawn and I refused to keep away.
I drowned myself in alcohol, in self destruction, this way I felt living. Laughter and pain but worst sadness. Guilt flow through me knowing I belong not on earth but the deepest end of hell.
I enjoyed surprises, waking up not knowing when my next meal was or whom bed I would spend the night in. I enjoyed painting my face, bright sparkles under the eyes, dark lipstick. I broke away from my lifeless fairytale.
But Who cared for me? Who would leave me?
I left my cycle for you, can you tell?
I stared at the street waiting for you’re shadows to show. It’s stupid, I know.
You told me not to leave, You told me to grow up, Now three weeks later I’m back into the cycle like nothing ever happened. Like we were strangers.
I can smell that scent, I always will.